I grew up practically taking responsibility for things not done rightly or not working around me. I get worried if I can’t help someone or am unable to fix a problem. Growing up in my daddy’s shoes, exercising leadership over my siblings and a selfless heart God blessed me with could be the cause of the ‘Saviour mentality’ I had then. I can carry people’s burden on my head to my detriment.
I got to the peak of this after my National Youth Service in 2011. I carried on like my mum and siblings were my projects. I wanted to make money to give them a better life. I made no promises to them though. As God would have it, I could only do little for them for the 2 years I worked before getting married.
After marriage, I would be all moody and worried because I and my husband couldn’t render the financial support I desired. This time we were already planning ministry and relocation to Sagamu (a city in Western Nigeria). I was choked up on the inside. I worried too much about the welfare of my family.
I thought I was alone till I started to interact with many ladies confessing to dating men they have no intention of marrying because they need money to take care of their family. This is the height of having a Saviour mentality! You cannot sacrifice your soul, dignity, and tomorrow out of your love for others.
In 2015, my mentor counseled me and said to me ‘Everything will be fine. It’s a matter of time. Your marriage/family is your FIRST PRIORITY so stop stabbing yourself with the guilt of not having the capacity to help anyone’.
I wouldn’t want to hear any of this, it was too harsh for me ‘a Saviour’
The lesson dived deep when one day the Holy Spirit warned me sternly that I was not the Saviour of my family. Right there and then I dropped the wheel.
The flip side of this is, the people I was bothered about didn’t know how deeply I was hurting because of them. They would complain that I don’t call and visit them frequently. Meanwhile, I didn’t feel good showing up empty-handed and being fed with stories of unmet needs. After each visit, I would return home feeling sad.
When I started mentoring people in 2014, I noticed I have carried the same attitude to Ministry. I almost develop High Blood Pressure over mentees.
I was so into ensuring they stand in faith, my love and concern for them landed me in worry. I became protective of them. I didn’t want any of our mentees to come back with stories that touched the heart. I wanted them to have a clean slate and powerful testimonies not tainted with regrets. Eventually, some of these mentees didn’t heed warnings until they learned the hard way and returned like the prodigal son.
When one of my first set of mentees got pregnant, I wept like a baby. I wouldn’t forgive myself. For days I was down. My husband was wondering what sort of life this is. He would say ‘Esther, people have their WILL, they make their choices. Let them live their lives; you can’t live for them. It is the Worry Syndrome.
Parenting children requires casting care upon the Lord. If not, our concern and care will choke the children. I am so grateful God is teaching me. The child crawling must not get hurt, the one taking baby steps must not fall, the one running must not break a bone, and the one flying must not hit the rock, one will end up raising children that will never amount to anything great if we don’t learn to cast our cares on the Lord over them after doing our part.
God has helped me greatly and still helping me and my family as I already threw everything at the feet of Jesus as I seek after His kingdom.
The Holy Spirit still has to tap me sometimes and say ‘Esther cast your worries and anxiety on me…’ After I tabled some personal stuff to Him in prayers, I listened to hear Him speak and express solutions but I didn’t get any. I decided to worship and a few minutes later as I was praying in tongues I heard Him say ‘CAST your cares on Me…’ I laughed ‘Lord you got me there again’.
‘casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully’ 1 Peter 5:7 AMP
‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.’ 1 Peter 5:7 NLT
Here are 7 ways you can learn to cast your cares on Him
1. Praying over the matter immediately you sense any agitations
2. Switch to worshipping God. This keeps my heart close to God and rubs His love in my heart and stirs up my joy.
3. Confront yourself with the understanding that since you cannot help yourself there’s no point being mad and stressing yourself. Dethrone yourself by telling YOU, you have no capacity to fix it but God has.
4. Look at the necessary steps you can take (doing what’s in your capacity) and leave the rest for God
5. Keep hoping and trusting the Father till the change comes
6. Casting means you change your words and confessions around the matter after you have prayed.
7. Casting also means expressly reaffirming your trust and dependence on God.
Keeping a heart full of thanksgiving positions your spirit to hear clearly what God is saying about the matter. Worrying really blurs your spirit.
‘You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You’ Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)
Isa.26.4 MSB ‘Depend on GOD and keep at it because in the LORD GOD, you have a sure thing’
Isa.30.15 AMP ‘For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength. But you would not’
Written By
Esther Ebunoluwa Omoniyi
omoniyiesther1@gmail.com