‘I read where you spoke about getting married at 32. The society or will I say the medical reports about unmarried ladies from 30 years and above finding it difficult to get married and bear children respectively have made It difficult for me to relax my mind and face my career.
Though I graduated at 20 and awaiting Youth Service, currently I’m 21, and what I see God asking me to do regarding my career development can take the next 10 years of my life if I face it squarely.
But now, how can I deal with both: The pressure to get married from parents, and suitors and how can I take full sexual control of myself and my purity through those years because I’m ready to do so? 10 years looks to me like a long time
ME: One, understand your journey. There’s God O’clock and there’s Biology O’clock.
I have many people who married in their 20s and still waited/waiting for years to have babies while it is never the case for others. Also, people who got married in their 30s who have had their babies, and those who are still waiting. Life is not straight.
…..it is not of Him that willeth or runneth but of the Lord who showed mercy. Rom.9:16
Everything being equal, whatever time God settles you is your time. He who believes in God’s word for his/her life will not make haste. Go to your place of rest. Let God write and run your love story. It is not how fast but how fulfilling your marriage is.
Another thing is ‘You will know when you enter your season of settlement’. Watch out, pray, and prepare.
On managing pressure; life will always present you with pressure.
From all quarters, they will pressure you if you don’t get admission into university on time, after you escape this, the pressure to graduate and serve, following this is getting a job, following this is getting married. If you don’t learn how to keep your head above the water as you sail through your journey in God, you will sink.
A few months down the line of your wedding, pressure will stare you in the face again. Those who couldn’t wait to see you get married would come watching your belly and asking if you are pregnant.
How you allow this pressure to get into your heart will determine the turns your life will take. If you rush in you will rush out.
Understand clearly what God is doing in and with your life. Focus on your journey. When you’re in doubt of God’s plan, wait on Him. Ask questions through prayers and listen to know His mind for you. He is a speaking Father.
Taking full sexual control while you go through your Journey, begins with your relationship with God.
The Holy Spirit supplies you with the strength for discipline and grace. You love God enough to want to honour Him with your body. Sexual purity is a commandment with benefits for you. In the end, you will be happy you waited and waited well. God has put the hormones at work in your body system so you learn and master how to bring it under as a single before marriage.
A sexually loose single is a sexually loose married person. Singlehood is the best time to learn sexual control. I settled this in my heart as a virgin waiting for marriage.
The ‘work’ part of this journey is regular feeding on God’s word. If you follow the Spirit you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. How was I able to scale through?
- 1. Focus on Maximising Your Singlehood
I did this by doing my life vision slice by slice as God leads. I was very busy with my kingdom service. I served across board thereby sharpening my spiritual gifts.
2. Leverage on Mentorship Relationship.
I meet my mentor regularly and draw courage for my journey.
3. Right Friendship
I had a friend in 2012 who was also a virgin. We always engage in fellowship. We would make jokes about our sexual urges. We are both married and still loving Jesus.
4. Understand Your Body Make-Up and Sexuality.
I knew my sexual urge was always intense during my ovulation and menses especially early in the morning when I wake up. Mind you I don’t do Netflix, no porn, no romantic novels or sex magazines as a single. It was my decision
- What Should You do when You have Sexual Urges?
- 1. I drew my sexual responses in my spirit. If I wake up with a sexual urge, I would leave my bed and be on my feet immediately.
- 2. Then, I would start my worship and devotion on my feet walking up the room. I would pray in tongues till my body yields to my spirit.
- 3. If my mind wanders and I feel overpowered by my urges, I would tell my mom and we would laugh about it.
- 4. Also, do use of sponge on days I have the urges. I would carry a bucket of water and run it down from head to toe while shouting in tongues so neighbours knew I was in the bathroom. Quietness drowns one into the fleshly desires.
- 5. I would be outdoors for such periods. No staying alone. I get busy.
- 6. I deliberately tell myself that this feeling will pass. It will pass and it is a minus one to my wedding night.
I had to build a structure around my life because when I started my word ministry fully in 2012, I started counseling hundreds of singles battling addiction to pornography and masturbation. Knowing how this demon could be possessive of one, I told myself it would never happen to me not even ONCE.
My six-part Sexual Purity audio series on our Telegram channel t.me/threshinghousemedia
I also made 5 day prayer series alongside.
Stay in Christ.
Sending with love.
Written by
Esther Ebunoluwa Omoniyi
omoniyiesther1@gmail.com